No. #1

"We can overcome anything. And you learn from it, and you live with it and grow from it. I can look back and I don’t think that I would have changed any circumstance, I just would’ve changed my way of thinking."

I faced an unplanned pregnancy 23 years ago. I was in college. Not really focused, obviously. Had moved from the dorms back home with my mom and then I found out I was pregnant. Was staying with my mom back at home with my younger sister and brother, in fact sharing a room with my sister in my twin bed, and pregnant. The father of the child said it wasn't his. He was like, "Well I guess you probably should go find your child's father."

Telling my mom, that was the most terrifying thing ever because when I told her - I didn't tell her face-to-face, it was over the phone, and I couldn't really bring myself to just say it, just one-on-one, we're having a conversation and I'm just like, "I'm pregnant." I just had to force myself to say it. And when I did, the first thing she said was, "How did that happen?" She just couldn't believe that it happened. And she was very upset, very very angry. And she asked me where I was going to live because her house wasn't big enough for me and my baby.

I was terrified. There was no going to live with the father of the child. I was afraid and I was upset, but I think my mom was too.

I ended up staying there with her, but I think that was her first reaction because I was the oldest child. She's a single mom and I was the oldest, always the most responsible, and now I have a kid. Her thought process was, 'I didn't think it would've been you, but okay.'

My grandmother was the strongest woman I know, ever. And she helped me raise my daughter essentially. Unfortunately, she passed away in 2016 and I still miss her every day, but she was the rock in my life. She was there for me every day from day one.

I lived down the street from my grandmother, and after I had the baby she would come down every morning at 7 o'clock. I was working part time and going to school full time, so while I was out on maternity leave she was helping me for those few weeks I was out. She would come down at 7 in the morning and I was annoyed! I thought, "I'm gonna give you a key cause I just can't get up at 7 in the morning and let you in every day." And my grandmother just kind of walked in and was like, "Excuse me? What?" And I was like, "Yeah, you're waking me up, I'm trying to sleep." And she was just like, "First of all, it's 7 o'clock in the morning, you should be up and bathed, the baby should be up, bathed, and dressed, and you should be on your second set of bottles. It's 7 am." And she said, "And furthermore, I'll take your key and I won't ring your doorbell, but I'll be back tomorrow. And then I'll give you 10 days to get it together, cause after 10 days then I won't be here to help you anymore."

That was a wake up call for me like, 'Okay, I'm in the real world. Like, damn.' I've never seen her so stern with me, but that was just her way of letting me know that you have a very serious responsibility. It's not just you anymore. You have a child. These are the things that mothers do, this is what good mothers do. Get your butt up out of the bed and take care of your baby and take care of yourself.

So that was the first lesson of me learning how to really be responsible and care about somebody other than myself. I went straight from the dorm back home with my mom, so I'd never lived on my own. Technically, I didn't know how to take care of myself. So my grandmother was doing me a solid.

Then a few weeks later, I was just tired of sitting at home and I was like, 'I have to get out, I have to go somewhere, I have to do something.' So I got up, took a shower, and I got dressed. I was gonna go to the mall. That was my favorite thing to do on Saturdays. And as soon as I got to the door to leave, my mother was sitting there in her little baby blue recliner like she always sat there, and she was like, "What are you gonna do with this little baby?" And I'm looking back like, "What?" She's like, "Yeah. What are you gonna do with this little baby? You didn't ask me if I had something to do or if I had plans. What are you gonna do with your baby?" That deflated me, it just took all the air out of me, and I just turned around and I went back to the couch and sat down and I just looked at that little baby sitting there in the car seat and looked at my mom. She felt sorry for me, she's just like, "I understand that you wanna get out, you wanna get out and go and everything. But this is your child. You have to realize that where you go she goes, unless you've made arrangements."

So my mom and my grandmother were crazy about the baby, but also made sure that I learned what I needed to know about being a responsible adult and being a mom. And I would say they did very very good because my baby's all grown up now and just graduated from college with honors, so I'm very happy.

Her name's Jordan. She's 23, she lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana right now. She went to Southern University for college, that's where she graduated. She was just accepted to the MBA program so she's gonna start an MBA program in August. She's working for a veterinarian office, she got her degree in Agriculture with an emphasis on Animal Science. Initially she wanted to be a veterinarian, but now she wants to be a business owner.
She decided instead of going to vet school to get her MBA because she wants to have a doggy day care. So there it is, and she's off and running. She hasn't even come back home yet. She just graduated in May so I haven't seen her since May, but we talk all the time and I'm just so proud of her. I'm very very proud of her. And I always shared my story with her too. I think it's really important. Just so people know that they're not alone, because had I had someone share a story with me, it could've changed the trajectory of my life at the time. If my story can help somebody else make a better decision or just to think about a predicament or a situation in a different way that will help them, I think it's awesome.
I would say: Live your life with authenticity, knowing and understanding that you are accountable for every decision that you make, and there could be consequences. Me having a baby, I don't like to say that's a consequence, it's just a fact of life, it's just something that happened, and I lived through it and I dealt with it.

We can overcome anything. And you learn from it, and you live with it and grow from it. I can look back and I don't think that I would have changed any circumstance, I just would've changed my way of thinking. I got married, had a good marriage, I was married to a really good guy, but over time we grew apart. I didn't expect it, but there I was at 40, and just when I thought I had it all– 3 kids, 2 dogs, and a white picket fence– I found myself having to basically reconfigure the trajectory of my life. In my mid-40s! Like, what's happening? So now I'm divorced and I'm single, and it took a toll on me. It's a huge, huge adjustment, but I'm happy.

It's the journey, you know, that gets you here and I can appreciate everything, the ups and downs, sometimes what my friends and I call "the good, the bad, and the ugly." Everything, you know, all-encompassed, is just the experience. I think I'm mature enough to handle it with grace. At least that's the way I think. And now I've decided I'm gonna go back to school. I'm gonna go back to college.

In that marriage, I was a full-time mother. So this is actually the first time I've actually had to get out here and work. I've been working for about 5 years now. So I feel like I've had the best of both worlds. I had a really good husband who provided a very good life for us, and now that that is no longer, I'm out here working and doing for myself and for my kids and I like it. And I'm just looking at finding ways to create new possibilities and opportunities for myself and my kids. So through it all, it was a lot, but I'm happy.