No. #17

"Jeremiah didn’t really have a family to support him. I think it kind of helped him become a good father, because he understood what it’s like not to have somebody there."

I’ve had friends who had unplanned pregnancies. I mean, they’re doing fine. It’s just another thing in life you’ve got to deal with. A lot of friends in high school. A lot of people I played football with, or something like that. They ended up having kids really young. A number of them are doing really good right now. They’re good dads, and they’re raising their kids. It’s kind of cool seeing them mature like that.

One of my buddies, Jeremiah, ended up having a daughter junior year in high school. He was a fun guy, really funny. I loved hanging out with him. He was a lot younger than me, but once he had the kid, it was interesting to see how it changed him. He really stepped up. He keeps talking about how it gives him a new perspective. It kind of makes him look outside of himself. I’m proud of him actually. It’s a really cool thing.

Initially, he wasn’t so excited. He was really scared and nervous. It was good that he talked about it. I think it’s good to admit that it’s scary sometimes. But after that he just kind of leapt into it. It’s working out for him.

Her family wasn’t really too keen on it, but he told her he was going to be there and support and all that. After that they just kind of really became a team. It’s good to see stuff like that.

Her family kind of said, “You’re on your own.” They wanted her to have an abortion, and that’s just not what she wanted. Jeremiah didn’t really have a family to support him. I think it kind of helped him become a good father, because he understood what it’s like not to have somebody there. I think that drove him to make sure to be there, to help people and to make sure to do everything he could to make that a good family. To make it a good supportive environment for his daughter to grow up in.

There wasn’t a whole lot I could do because I was, I was still in high school at the time, and I didn’t really know how to approach that. I just let him talk and whatever he had to say, I wasn’t gonna judge him. I told him, “Just say whatever you want, say however you feel.” I think that just helped him get things off his chest, help him be able to think with a little more clarity, at least I hope so. Being someone to listen to him and give him an ear to bounce ideas off of.

The hardest part was definitely the lack of support from adults. From their family. When this happened, it was the early 2000s, so it was a little taboo in that part of the country. People were shunning them. I think that was a little bit difficult, and he felt a little lonely in that area. The fact that he had this daughter, he was now with his girl, and they were more together, I think that really helped a lot.

They decided together, because she wasn’t really sure what she wanted to do, and he wasn’t really sure either. His initial reaction was, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t raise a kid, I’m barely taking care of myself.” But once he decided that he would be able to do it and said, “If this is what you want, we can do this.” I think that helped her make that decision to keep the child.

I think he liked the idea of raising a kid and caring for someone and having that connection that parents and children usually have. He didn’t really have that growing up. It could have been that he wanted to provide what he didn’t have. Growing up, he saw a lot of things of what not to do. If he just didn’t do those things, he might be ok. And turns out he was right.

Once they had the baby, he was really tired. He would always say, “Man, it’s hard. Damn, it’s hard.” I think growing through that really helped them grow up a lot, and grow together. He would often come into class a little bit later. But, our teacher was cool. She kind of understood. It was nice to see him transition into what he’s become.

Our teacher was very lenient on assignments. She essentially told him that she’s not going to fail him because he has a child at home. They ended up working out a schedule where he could do the projects sort of at his own pace. Whenever he couldn’t make it to school, she was like, send me a test or call me and let me know. She was really cool about it. It was really surprising how lenient she was. I just didn’t know if anyone would be like that, and it was really cool that she did that.

I think if there were a lot of people shaming him and stuff. It might have been a little more difficult. There were people in there that did support him and did cheer him. He’d come in late, and he’d be like “I’m sorry, you know.” You’re doing something important, it’s fine. It was pretty cool.

His girlfriend is actually going back to school now. She’s taking night classes and trying to be a nurse. They’re surprisingly stable for how young they are, for the situation that they were in. You never know how these things work out. People plan pregnancies, and they don’t work out that well. But it was cool seeing how they ended up becoming this stable family unit.

He got a job. He works on cars. One of my friend’s dads would build hot rods. Jeremiah liked working on cars, and he ended up getting hooked up with that. It’s enough that he can support his family and that his girl can go to school. When she becomes a nurse, that’s going to be a really big deal too. I just hope everything goes well and continues to work out for them.

He says his daughter is a little gangster. She just does whatever she wants. He’ll be eating food and she’ll just walk up. He’ll ask “Oh, do you want to eat?” and she’s like “Yeah, yeah.” He hands it to her, and she’ll just walk away and she’ll just eat the whole thing. He’ll just be looking at her. She’s really cute. She’s got the frizzy hair and he ties it up in the afro ball. I think he likes her attitude. I think he likes that she seems like she’s tough. So, he likes that.

I think it continues to open my eyes to what people can do. I knew him for a long time before that, and I never thought that if he ended up getting someone pregnant, that he would be able to be a father at that age. Just because of how he was. He’s a really free guy, he’s gotta do his own thing. Very independent. But he completely changed. It was really surprising and inspiring to see someone give up the things that they love the most. Then find something that they didn’t think they would love as much as they used to love this other thing that they had. It turns out that it’s something that they couldn’t even imagine that feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. It just helped me be a little more open to opportunities. You never know what it’s going to turn into. Just helped open my mind a little bit.

I feel like fulfillment is just a longer-lasting happiness. You go to a film or you see your favorite band in concert, and that’s great. It’s a great feeling. Then, a few hours after that, you’re kind of over it. With something like this, it’s something that you can think about every once in a while, like if you’re having a tough time, you can just think about it, and it still makes you happy. I think it’s important to find those things that have that long-lasting effect of happiness.

That’s what he keeps telling me, he’s just like, “I’m just happy, man. I don’t know. I’m just happy, I just walk around and I’m happy.” It’s genuine, he’s not faking it. A lot of people have to put on a smile and a happy face, but it’s nice to see the real thing. It helps me to look for something like that for me. Maybe it’s not a kid, maybe it’s something else, maybe it is a kid. But, you never know what it is. I think it’s important to look for those things and try to find them. Cherish them whenever you get ‘em.