No. #18

"Being strong means being able to get through your tough times. To be able to do what people think you couldn’t do. That’s what I think. Being out of foster care, people think you’re a troubled child. I come from a mother who was a drug addict. Being able to not let those things affect you, that's what makes you strong."

I got pregnant at fourteen. I was in an abusive relationship at the time. So, it wasn’t planned. I lost her. Her name was Destiny. I didn’t really have a support system at the time.

I’m a foster baby. My foster family had passed away, so I was waiting for placement. During placement, you go to this orphanage type place and they just put you in there until you get ready. I didn’t want to be there, so I left. I found this guy who was older than me, and I ended up getting pregnant.

The most difficult part about growing up in foster care was not having a real family. Not having anyone. Just not having someone to teach you about growing up.

I didn’t enter foster care until I was three. I kind of got passed along from Indiana to Texas. After Texas, I got placed in my four and five foster homes, and then finally that last foster family passed away. They put me in an orphanage. I didn’t like it. It was just everyone together. Growing up and you don’t really have your own family, you want to be by yourself. So that’s what I did. I left. I found comfort in someone I shouldn’t have.

I wanted a job. That was the first thing I wanted to do. I wanted to be there for my child, like my mother wasn’t there for me. I chose to go. I begged a person at Taco Bell to give me a job off the clock. At fourteen you can’t get a job, so I worked under the table for about four months.

I wanted her to have everything she needed to have. For me to be there for her. So I had to get a home for her.

I confided in my sister. It turned out she was pregnant too. She’s a year younger than me. It’s kind of weird. We found out at the same time. I ended up getting a job so I could get us a hotel room, until we were able to deliver the baby or find a home that would take us at our age. We kind of just stuck with each other through the whole thing.

It was stressful. You had to experience adulthood at a young age. I wasn’t the normal kid to go get in trouble. I worked hard. I got different jobs at Taco Bell, I worked on the streets cleaning. I even did modeling before I started showing.

The father was aware. He was happy to a certain extent. He was older than me. He already had a child. I was just a new thing for him. It’s a mistake for me, but just another day for him. That’s the way I looked at it. He’d give me money every now and then, but I didn’t really ask for it. I put myself in that predicament. My mom was very codependent upon me and I didn’t want to be that way.

Being strong means being able to get through your tough times. To be able to do what people think you couldn’t do. That’s what I think. Being out of foster care, people think you’re a troubled child. I come from a mother who was a drug addict. Being able to not let those things affect you, that's what makes you strong.

The baby was a stillborn. I was only six months along. I sort of went into labor, but the baby was already passed. I was hurt. I was mentally disturbed at the time. They put me in postpartum. It’s like a therapeutic side of the hospital for mothers who have lost their children. I stayed in there for a couple of months until I was able to get myself healing. It was very hurtful to me. I didn’t want my child to end up like my momma did to me. Then I felt like I did worse.

The most difficult thing was losing her. The second most difficult thing was being in the situation I was in. Not being able to provide for her. Being in an abusive relationship. You know, once a man hits you, you should leave. At the time I didn’t want to leave my sister hanging, so I chose to conceive and stay. I put my child in danger.

I didn’t think about abortion. I wouldn’t say I’m totally anti-abortion. I wouldn’t know how I would feel if I was to get pregnant by a rapist. But at that time, I didn’t want to turn out like my mother, so I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have even considered it at that time.

I can’t have children now, due to medical reasons. But to me, motherhood would be an amazing thing. I’m a stepmom now to my boyfriend’s children. They’re two, three and six. It’s an amazing opportunity to help them grow and become the mom that I could have been. It’s an amazing thing.

I love being able to teach them that there’s someone out there that loves them. That you don’t ever have to feel like you’re not loved, because you are. Regardless if it’s by me or by your dad or by somebody else that you love. That’s the main thing when children are growing up. They want to feel like they’re loved. If they’re not loved, they’re not going to be able to succeed like they want to.

I became stronger as an individual. I became more aware of what I’m doing in my surroundings. I became stronger to overcome. Losing your child. It took a really huge toll on me. I overcame it well. It took a while. Knowing that it probably wasn’t the right time for me, I was younger. Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish at that time. It was a second chance for me to grow.