No. #19

"I always thought that I was an open and progressive mother...I didn’t think that an unwanted pregnancy was something I would have to face because I was so open. But I got surprised. Twice."

I always thought that I was an open and progressive mother. That my daughters could talk to me about menstruation, about birth control, about date rape. I didn’t think that an unwanted pregnancy was something I would have to face because I was so open. But I got surprised. Twice. My oldest daughter got pregnant in high school. She had a young, healthy son. She wasn’t a very strong mother, and that story didn’t end really well, but he did make it through childhood. He’s in his second year of college now.

My youngest daughter found herself pregnant, even though she was self-supporting at this time. She was at an entry-level job. She felt a lot of pressure coming from friends and coworkers on what she should do. I told her she should come under the wing of her mother, and she could decide in my nest what to do, that I would go along with whatever she chose. She chose to have the baby. We just bring the baby in the house and we love the baby. She went on and furthered her education. She climbed the ladder, she’s now pretty successful in her career. She maintains her own home and she’s raising her daughter.

I remember an elderly black woman told me one time, she said, "The child of your child is twice your child." I thought the lady was crazy. I thought, "What is this nonsense?" I understand that now. I understand because my grandchild means as much to me as my daughter. She has struggled. I would say to any young person facing that, "You have to make the decision that’s best for you, not the one that’s convenient to your family. The one that’s best for you. And you have to build yourself a strong support system. You have to have people that are gonna be there, even when it’s not convenient to be. Because it takes everybody to raise a healthy, intelligent child. One who’s secure in their environment."

That is your child. It doesn’t matter if they’re 20, 25 or 30. That is still your child. That responsibility never ever ends. You’re never relieved from that. If you can’t be active in welcoming the grandchild, you need to let them know. You can’t tell them, "Oh yeah, we’ll help you," and not help them. That’s your child, and you’re gonna have to let them make their decision. You’re gonna have to support that, even if it’s one you don’t like. They’ve made some that I don’t like, but they’re grown. I raised them to think for themselves.

There’s nothing about my granddaughter I don’t like! She’s warm, she’s tender-hearted, she’s an animal lover, and she truly respects her mama. I’m gonna say for the extended family, even the people who weren’t really supportive of my daughter, now love her child. There’s just something about that, that once you love ‘em, it all comes back to you tenfold.